I guess for me, all my stories tend to be spiritually oriented. I would like to tell a story of the first sort of clear inner message I got. I was young, I was about 15 0r 16 years old. I had been doing a lot of meditating, I had begun meditating when I was about 12. My father had put me in Aikido, which is a form of martial arts. That is how I got introduced to the mind flow of chi energy and the alternate ways of thinking about things. This got me to studying on my own, Buddhism, Christianity and all kinds of mysticism. I was really an intense seeker and I was seeking enlightenment, so to speak. I wasn’t much interested in the philosophy or religion behind it, I really wanted to have the experience.
I love nature and I used to walk from my house down to a park called Tuxedo park. It was about an eight mile walk to get there and I would either walk, ride my bike or hitch hike. I knew that park inside and out. I knew every part of it and I would walk down by the river, down the trails and I would sit up on the hill and just commune with nature. One day I had just arrived at the park where it is a steep walk down the hill and I had just arrived at the bottom of the hill to a parking area. I am walking across the parking lot to go to one of the trails and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I heard a voice say,
“God’s awareness of itself is only as far as the highest soul has advanced.”
That was a lot of food for thought. It was a number of years later that I was given a master teacher, Babba Ge. One thing he wrote in his books was that God does not possess mind. God has no mind. If God had a mind God, God couldn’t keep judging God. If God had power that would mean God could lose power. He said that God is neither with attributes or without attributes which was in the history of Buddhist philosophy. You would have people who believed God had attributes and you would have people who believed God didn’t have attributes. God is neither one.
So, just this past week I had an understanding about this after all this time. It makes perfect sense God is that which gives rise to attributes. God can only be that which brings either of those into existence. God is the source of all things but it is not those things.
Much later on when my first master, Babuji, passed the next master in succession, he said something interesting. “God creates and human beings are in charge of evolution. “And this was like another addition, another little understanding, “God creates but in itself is not the creation.” Human beings are in charge of evolution, it is a frightening thought, but really, we are made with free will so effectively, it is true. We are the pushers and pullers of the evolutionary process.
So, the last bit to this story ties all of this together. We moved to Richmond Indiana back in 1990 and that was a big transition in so many ways. A lot of things happened spiritually, I was having many experiences, it was a change of career, it was a change of place. We went to Richmond because I got hired to work with a guy who was in the music industry. I have been a professional musician my whole life but there was no money in playing music. So, I got a job as a sales rep and to make a long story short, after a few years I became a partner in the company and eventually I owned it. That was unexpected.
In the midst of all that change, one morning, while meditating for my usual hour, it was around five in the morning and I was sitting in my chair. As usual I started getting into it and I started going really deep, I was completely absorbed inside. At the end of the meditation, just as I am starting to come back to awareness, the simplest and most amazing thing happened. I felt God was waking up into me and was in awe of his existence. It only lasted for maybe three seconds. But it was such a state of complete wonder. It was not a wow. It wasn’t some fireworks going off, not anything like that. It was kind of like a miracle of existence. In a way it made me question, are we slipping into God’s state or is God slipping into us?
Debra Wuliger, figurative artist working with color, texture and pattern to celebrate life.
Image silhouetted with story. Ready for hanging.