"Ellen" 9 inches by 12 inches; ink on paper, $125
Looking back and being fortunate to do so. I would say a trillion of moments of doubt about living the right way for me are a lot of wear and tear. No paycheck to smoothen the frustration. Doing what you need to do so far away from societies accepted ways, makes you feel alone, as we are, but not lonely, I feel rich inside, and when I get my Aha moments, I share with open eyes and heart. If it connects me with someone, it makes me happy.
I think a lot of people can go a long way if they sit with their inner knowledge. They will know, and persisting with their story, opens up doors unimaginable.
Every time I have been led into something new I said No, because I had no idea how to. The jobs I have been guided to puts me in Limbo, and it is not a given to have the confidence without a solid CV, which I don't.
I was 22 when I strongly felt I should open a store. I said No! I had no money, not the necessary license or accounting skills and no urge to do so, but the drive did not leave me alone and I surrendered. I had nothing else as strong in me and I had the nerve to hold my nose and jump, borrow money and the rest of it to get things going.
I gave it all I had and followed my impulses. After some years it was a real store working very well. That taught me more than anything that thoughts create matter when you work it. It became my foundation for life.
I said YES to my drive. It is up to each and every one to say yes to their own drive. It will always be the most difficult decision. There is no guarantee for the outcome, but something will come out of it.
There is no paycheck and no pension and Yes, it can still frighten me, but once having taken life in your own hands, life will never be the same, due to crawling the basement floor of your inner doubts and swirling in the mist of the unimaginable.
Photograph of Ellen Swane taken by Ann Ringland
Debra Wuliger, figurative artist working with color, texture and pattern to celebrate life.
Image silhouetted with story. Ready for hanging.